


3:24 {J.D. AU}

by GWritesNovels



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Angst, Anxiety, Coffee, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Mental Health Issues, Sad and Happy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-03-17 22:32:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 22,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13668666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GWritesNovels/pseuds/GWritesNovels
Summary: "She couldn't sleep, and he broke up with a girl at two in the morning.They met at the corner of the street, in the Sad Café, the self-conscious girl who was losing sleep over a boy and the anxious drummer who was hurt beyond belief.And as they began to talk,the Sad Cafe wasn't as sad anymore."





	1. m a d  w o r l d

Where am I going? she thought.

What am I even doing here?

She turned around. Everywhere she looked was pitch black. There was no light to be seen anywhere. Where did it go? It was just there.

She wasn't crazy.

There was a light. There had to be.

But there wasn't. The darkness was growing, and it was coming to take her. It was coming to consume her, just like it had done to everyone else. It had consumed her father. It had consumed her mother. It had consumed her best friend.

And they thought she was the crazy one.

It kept on closing in, and she could feel her heart beating out of her chest. She could feel the evil radiating off of it in waves. It was almost tangible.

Everything from the real world fell away. Everything that she had ever felt for anyone. everything she had felt, period. All of the loneliness, all of the fear, all of that awful cold that she couldn't shake, the feeling that everything was her fault.

All gone in an instant.

For the first time, she did not feel scared. She felt relief. Sad, insane relief in the fact that she was going to die.

"Come on," she said, stepping into the darkness. "You can take me, too."

The darkness swallowed her whole, leaving nothing behind.

~ ~ ~

Paige opened her eyes, panicking. Then she remembered that there was nothing there. There was no darkness, no light, either. There was nothing, just her and her average life. She laid back in bed, letting a single tear roll down her cheeks.

She knew she was screwed up.

What sane person thought that the dreams they died in were the best they had?


	2. y o u  k n o w  y o u ' r e  r i g h t

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Josh breaks up with the one he thought loved him.

He couldn't do it anymore. He'd been here for too long. He tried and he tried, but nothing was ever good enough for her.

"Come on, Josh," she called after him. "We can work this out!"

"No, Susan," he said, more tears rolling down his face. "We can't. I obviously can't make you happy. I can't, but he can, whoever he is. I should've known that I could never make you get that bright look in your eyes, never make you smile for real."

"What are you saying?" she asked in disbelief, stepping out into the cool, crisp air. Whether it was late night our early morning, he didn't know. And he didn't care.

"I'm saying that I'm letting you go. I'm letting you go so you can be happy." He tried to say more, but he couldn't get the words out. A sob escaped from his throat as he broke down, crying with his face buried in the grass. He pounded his fist against the cold, hard ground. Part of him needed to break something, to shatter it, but all he could do was try to tear up the dirt. And there was no way it was coming up.

"But you make me happy." She stood over him awkwardly, obviously not knowing what to do to try to comfort him. He sat up and looked at her. he was sure that his eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot from the previous night, trying to practice what he was going to say and wondering why he wasn't good enough.

Why he'd never been good enough for her.

Why he'd never been good enough for anyone.

"Josh---," she tried to start again, but he began shaking his head.

"Please don't, Susan. Don't pretend that you care. Don't pretend that you love me. Just go to him. I'll be okay." He knew that it was a huge lie, that he probably wouldn't be okay for a long time. But it was the lie that he told everyone, and it seemed to work just fine on them. Why would she be any different?

"Fine," she said, and he knew that he'd hurt her feelings. She began stalking towards the house, but he just stayed on the ground. He wasn't getting back into his vehicle. He wasn't leaving. Not just yet.

He wasn't sure if he was strong enough yet.

He ignored the cold that was biting at his skin as he rolled over in the grass and stared up at the sky. When the first drops of rain began to fall, he ignored those as well. Instead of thinking about her, he tried to think about the constellations. He loved them, and he knew that they could calm him down. He looked at them all, reciting their names to himself. But, for some reason, he couldn't get Susan off of his mind.

Then he remembered why.

This was their spot. They would lay down here on a blanket and stare up at those same constellations, and she would curl up against him. He would run his fingers through her hair and give her a kiss on the forehead, letting the calming feeling of her heartbeat send him to sleep.

And in this moment, as he realized exactly how cold the other side was now that he was alone, a single star fell.

The star that had died also marked the death of his dreams. His dreams that they would stay together. The dreams that everything would be okay.

He suddenly felt his phone buzz. Part of him hoped that it was Susan as he pulled it out of his pocket and unlocked it. But it was Tyler. He'd texted him earlier and told him of what he'd learned. His best friend had sent him his support. Josh texted him again a few hours later. But Tyler, being Tyler, didn't answer until now.

Josh looked at the message, another tear rolling down his face.

You know you're right. I wish you the best of luck.

Josh wiped away yet another tear that he didn't realize was there. Then he took a deep breath. Finally, he got up and headed over to his vehicle. Then he got in and pulled out of her driveway.

He texted Tyler a quick thank you message and threw the phone down on the passenger seat.

He had to go somewhere. Somewhere far away from there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, and I hope you have a wonderful day!


	3. t h e  s a d  c a f e

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the two lonely hearts meet.

Paige looked down at her coffee as if it held the answers to all of the weird dreams she'd been having. She was in the place where she came after she couldn't go to sleep anymore.

The small café on the other side of town could hold fifty people or less, and it never closed, despite the fact that it was supposed to. It used to, but then everyone began coming in. The doctors who had ten minutes to think of what they were going to say to family members who lost a loved one during the night, insomniacs or people who slept like her, people with depression, and heartbroken people. long story short, everyone had a story there. That's why Paige nicknamed it "the Sad Café", after the song by the Eagles.

The Sad Café for sad people, all huddled together in the wee hours of the morning and having one place where they could go to relax, a place filled with other people that were just like them.

Only two other people were in the café with Paige at this hour, just as she had anticipated. Mr. Jones was sipping his coffee at a window seat and reading the newspaper. Miss Gaither sat at the table in the middle of the place and ate her breakfast, which was a biscuit doused in chocolate gravy and sunny-side-up eggs.

Paige knew everyone here. She had been coming long enough to know every single name of every single person, their stories, what time they came, what days they came, and their orders. She had every single person and every single routine down.

Which is why she became curious when the mysterious man came walking down the street and into the building. He was wearing a black coat, a hood thrown over his head, but Paige could see a few strands of wavy, dark red hair peeking out of it. He came in and removed the hood. This motion revealed his seemingly kind brown eyes, the color of chocolate. He seemed to be a bit taller than Paige. As he looked around sadly for a moment, she caught sight of how tired he looked, how red-rimmed and bloodshot those kind eyes were. Then he hung his head and slowly walked over to the table behind her.

Paige grabbed her coffee quickly, burning her hand in the process. She wanted to know more about the new man, the mysterious visitor. She set her coffee down in the spot in front of him. He didn't seem to notice at first. He was too busy looking down at the dark oak table as if he was trying to commit it to memory. Finally, he looked up at her.

She put on a kind smile, hoping that it didn't seem weird to him. "May I sit here?" He looked at her questioningly. "I'm sorry. I was just curious. I've never seen you here before." She began to move her coffee and go back to her table, taking his silence as a rejection.

"Wait, you can sit down." A deep voice stopped Paige in her tracks and startled her a little. She turned and looked back at the man, who was giving her a small smile. It seemed a little forced, but she didn't mind. She set her coffee back down and slowly scooted out the chair.

"So, what brings you to the Sad Café?" she asked, hoping that her question wasn't too personal. She had a knack for saying all of the wrong things and offending strangers.

"The Sad Café?" asked the man, knitting his eyebrows together. "That's kind of a depressing name. I didn't know it was called that."

"Well, it's not really called that," explained Paige. "It's the nickname I gave it. Everyone in here has their fair share of sad stories or something. I got it from a song by the Eagles." The man nodded.

"Ah. My girlfriend cheated on me, and I just broke up with her." He looked down at the table. "I could never make her happy enough, so she found happiness with another guy."

Paige nodded sympathetically. She didn't know what to say to that. She knew the feeling of never making people happy enough. That was basically all that she felt in life. But she didn't want to make it seem as if she was trying to make her sad story sound worse than his.

"I can never sleep. Well, I can, but I have the worst dreams. The doctors have prescribed me with medication, but nothing really helps." She didn't want to say anything else just yet. Especially not about Evan.

But the man was making it hard. She liked his voice. She knew that it was a weird thing to like, but she couldn't help it. It was smooth, soft, and comforting. She needed another topic or something to keep him talking.

So she offered him her hand. "I'm Paige," she said, smiling. She hoped that he would take her hand and introduce himself, that he didn't find her weird yet.

He did take her hand. It was large compared to hers, and it was soft and warm. He shook it gently, smiling at her. It was a real one this time. "I'm Josh. It's nice to meet you." He had a nice smile. His teeth were straight and white. It made her smile, too.

It was 3:24 a.m.


	4. t h e  r e c k l e s s  a n d  t h e  b r a v e

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they learn about each other.

At first, the girl made Josh nervous. He didn't know exactly what it was about her, but there was just something there. Maybe it was because she was a lot like Susan. She didn't look anything like his girlfriend (ex-girlfriend, he had to remind himself), but she acted like her. Susan was kind to him at first, too. Almost too kind.

But something was different about the girl's attitude, something different than Susan's. Something he liked.

When she introduced herself, though, he relaxed a little. She was genuine, honest when she did it. It made him feel more comfortable talking to her.

"So," he said after a moment, "how old are you?"

"Twenty-four. How about you?"

"Twenty-six." Paige nodded and seemed to file this information in an imaginary filing cabinet. It seemed like she was at least a little interested in his life.

"Favorite band?" she asked him.

"If I have to answer that question, we'll be here forever," he laughed. She didn't say anything, just grinned at him.

She had a pretty grin. Her teeth were almost perfectly straight, almost perfectly white. But it was the "almost" that he really liked. He saw one tooth that was slightly crooked, slightly pushed out. Not like the rest. That just made him like her grin more.

"What are yours?" he asked, leaning forwards a little, elbows on the table.

"I like almost anything, really. Though I do have a soft spot for punk-pop and alternative or indie rock." She shrugged and smiled a little wider. "Do you play any instruments?"

"The drums. Do you play any?"

"Used to. I don't anymore, though. I just...lost interest, I guess." Josh could tell by the way that she bit her lip and looked down at the table that she didn't just "lose interest" in them. But he also knew that it was probably private, so he didn't press her for further information.

He watched as she took another sip of her coffee. Her long, dirty blonde hair almost fell into it when she set it back down. He brushed it out of the way quickly, then yanked it back when she looked at him. "Sorry." He looked down at the table, slightly embarrassed, when he noticed some initials carved into it. He couldn't make them out; they were weathered and worn deep into the wood. He ran his finger across them carefully and wondered what the story behind them was.

“How long do you normally stay here?" asked Josh curiously, looking back up at Paige.

"It depends on the day and how tired I am. Sometimes I stay for about thirty minutes, and sometimes I stay until after sunrise. After I leave here, I just normally walk around town and stuff. I'm quite boring." Paige smiled that smile again, showing all of her teeth this time.

"I doubt that," smiled Josh. He had just met her, and he already thought that she was interesting. He wanted the conversation to keep going. "What kind of day is it? How tired are you?" He looked up at her.

"It's a good day. I'm actually not all that tired."

"Let me guess: it's a half-hour night?"

"You are correct." She drained her coffee and set the mug on the table before she began digging through her pocket. She found a few dollar bills and slid them under the mug.

"Can I come with you?" he asked when she stood up. He crossed his fingers and hoped that he didn't sound too desperate. He just met her, so part of him was expecting rejection.  
"Sure." Paige smiled and stood next to the table, waiting for him to get up. Josh did, rather quickly, and joined her. "Prepare yourself for a crazy night of staring at the ocean and looking at birds and potentially throwing rocks at said birds if they try to flog you." She looked back at him and smirked. "Tell me if it gets too wild for you and I'll try to chill."

Josh laughed, and Paige smiled even wider. Did he honestly just make her smile? For some reason, that thought made him happy. Paige seemed like a sad, sweet girl, and he wanted to get to know her. He thought that it was that something that was pulling him to her. No matter what it was, he just hoped that they could become friends.

They walked out into the cool late-night-or-early-morning air together.

The first thing Josh spotted was a bench. Paige had suggested that he wouldn't be able to handle how "wild" the night was about to get, so he was determined to prove her wrong. He ran up to the weathered bench quickly and jumped on top of it.

“Josh, what are you doing?" called Paige as she ran up to him. He just smiled.

"You said it was gonna get wild."

"I meant that we were going to do crazy things! Not absolutely insane things that could get us killed!" He could see her trying to stifle her laughter as the sarcasm dripped from her words. He stuck his hand out to her.

"I promise I'll keep you safe."

“Really?"

"Yeah, maybe you won't die." He started laughing, and Paige did too. it was a light sound, a happy sound that made him just as happy. Then she slid her cool hand into his warm one before he pulled her up.

"What do we do now, oh reckless one?" she joked, letting go of him.

Josh grinned. "Now we jump."

"I just met you, and you already hate me enough to try to kill me?" She put a hand over her chest, trying to act offended.

"Take my hand," he said, slipping it back into hers. "If we die, it'll be together." He just really liked holding her hand.

In a friendly way, of course.

He waited until she was holding onto his hand tightly before they jumped the two-and-a-half-foot distance to the ground.

"Holy crap," said Paige, looking at Josh in mock disbelief. "That was hardcore!"

"I can't believe we survived that!" yelled Josh, throwing his hands in the air and whooping loudly. "That was amazing!"

"Shh," Paige giggled, putting an index finger to her lips. "The entire city must not know of our accomplishment."

"Oh, yeah," he said, looking around at all of the dark buildings. "Sorry." He looked back up at the bench. He really wanted to do a backflip off of it, but he might look like he was showing off for her. So he decided against it. Instead, he looked back at Paige. "So what do we do now? Throw trash into the can from long distance? Pelt flogger birds with rocks?"

"C'mon," said Paige, grabbing his hand once again. "I have a great idea."

As she pulled Josh into the night, he couldn't help himself. He smiled. He already liked Paige and hoped that this night wouldn't end. Something told him that he might've made a friend, one like Tyler. One that wouldn't think of him as odd.

At least, that was what he hoped.


	5. o n  t o p  o f  t h e  w o r l d

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which she takes him somewhere.

Paige directed Josh for ten minutes, never letting go of him once. Part of her wondered if showing him her favorite place was a good idea. She just met him. Plus, she didn't know if he would wind up asking questions she wouldn't want to answer, or if he'd even like it. But the other part was telling her that it wouldn't be a bad idea, that she needed to show him this place, her favorite spot, that it might earn his trust. And maybe his friendship.

Finally, Paige could hear the sound of water breaking on jagged rocks. She could smell it, too. She kept leading Josh forward until they came to the large bridge that overlooked the ocean.

"I found this a few years ago," she explained. "When the dreams started, I would just walk around until sunrise, then sneak back into bed before any of my family members caught me awake. I stumbled across it at about two in the morning once, and I stayed until midday. That just kind of started a ritual for me. It just makes me happy, helps me to clear my head. It makes me feel as if I'm literally on top of the world and able to do anything I want. I feel invincible up here. And the only reason that I stay on it for as long as I do is that it's abandoned. For some reason, no one comes this way. They probably deemed it unsafe to drive on. It's not unsafe to walk on, though."

"It's beautiful," smiled Josh. She smiled back, looking at him and feeling his warm hand in hers, which only made it feel better. It made it feel right.

And that's when she realized that she had never let go of his hand. He seemed to realize the same thing as her because they both looked down at the same time, embarrassed, and let go of each other.

Paige looked up at him nervously, biting her lip a little. She wanted to know if he even cared about this place. She didn't know why she cared if he cared, but there was something about this sad man that she liked. she wanted to make him happy.

Josh seemed to be enjoying it. He looked down into the water, a small smile on his face. He seemed to be in a daze, thinking about something, or just in a trance because of the beauty.

For a moment, he looked a lot like Evan did the first time he came here.

Paige shook her head at the thought. She couldn't think of Evan. Not here, not now. Not after what happened to him here.

“Paige? You okay?" asked Josh. The sound of his voice partially shook her out of her thoughts, but not enough.

"Yeah, I'm okay, Evan." Then she realized what she said and shook her head hard. "Josh. I meant to say Josh. I'm sorry. I was just thinking about something."

Crap. Now he was going to ask who Evan was. She knew he was going to.

So it surprised her when he said, "It's alright." She didn't reply to him, and they just stared at the water together, unaware of the passing time. Josh seemed to be even more relaxed than Paige, and it was only his first time here.

She decided that this might not have been such a bad idea after all. All she wanted to do in life was to make people feel comfortable and relaxed.

But she couldn't stop herself from staring at the other side of the bridge. The side of the bridge where happiness ended and loneliness set in.

“I'm sorry," she finally said, breaking the silence between her and Josh. "I'm not exactly the most interesting person you could be spending time with."

"I find you interesting," said Josh. "I'm the one who should be apologizing for not being interesting enough."

"But you are. You're way more interesting than I am."

"Are we really going to have an argument over this?" he laughed.

"If you don't admit that you're one hundred times more interesting than I am, then yes, we are," Paige said, grinning.

She stood in that spot with him, a little closer than she was before, just staring at the rippling waves as the sun began to peek over the horizon, casting shades of pink and orange across the sky. Paige watched as Josh looked around himself in wonder and took in the beauty. "This is why I like to stay," she whispered.

A sudden buzzing noise made both of them jump before Josh reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his phone. He unlocked it while Paige looked away, trying to not meddle into what he was doing. She then turned around after a moment and watched as he typed something in before he slid the phone back into his pocket.

"I'm sorry, but I have to go. That was my friend Tyler. Will you be at the café again?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "I'm there every single night. Same time." Josh nodded, smiling at her.

"That was fun. Can we do it again sometime?"

Paige's heart skipped a beat from happiness. She met him a few hours ago, yet it felt as if he'd been her friend for a long time. The feeling was apparently returned, something that didn't happen often. She nodded quickly, excitement rendering her speechless. Finally, her vocal chords began working again. "Yeah," she smiled. "That'd be great. I had a great time. It got pretty wild, but it was...great." She dared herself to say "great" one more time. Maybe she could impress him with her extremely-wide-ranged vocabulary.

"Where do you go during the daytime?" Josh asked curiously.

"I go to the community college about ten minutes south of here. All afternoon classes. It's alright. What about you?"

Josh hesitated for a moment, and Paige couldn't help but wonder if it was something that she shouldn't be asking, if it were something private. Or illegal. But he finally answered. "My best friend and I are in a band. We call ourselves Twenty One Pilots." Paige's mouth dropped open. "There's not twenty-one of us. It's a reference to Arthur Miller," Josh added quickly, and Paige nodded. She felt a bit stupid.

"I'll definitely check you guys out," she said. "Do you have a phone?" He nodded, holding it up. Paige was honestly about ready to smack herself in the forehead for her stupidity. Not only did almost everyone have a phone these days, but she saw him using it about two minutes ago. "Would you like my number? Maybe we could text and find some time to meet up again. If that's okay with you, that is."

"Sure!" Josh exclaimed, unlocking his phone. Then he allowed her to type in her name and number. After he had it saved, Paige allowed him to do the same on hers.

"It was great meeting you, Paige!" Josh smiled at her brightly, his eyes crinkling up a little. It warmed her heart. the smile was so genuine that it could brighten up someone's entire day. She knew that it had definitely just brightened up hers. "I hope that we can meet again soon."

"It was great meeting you as well," she smiled. "And I hope we can, too." She watched as he left until his silhouette disappeared down the grassy hill. Then, when he was gone, she pulled out her phone and unlocked it. Finally, she went to YouTube.

She searched "Twenty One Pilots" and tapped on the first video.


	6. s c h o o l

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Josh meets up with Paige in between classes.

After departing from Tyler’s house, Josh was trying to decide if he should go to the school to say hello to Paige. He had to admit, the girl was interesting. And very pretty. And he felt calm around her, the way that he only felt around certain people: his family, Tyler, and the fans. He also used to feel that way about Susan, too, but he didn't want to think about her anymore. The betrayal still hurt, and he knew that it would for a while.

What if Paige didn't want him to come? What if she wanted to exchange numbers just to be polite? What if she secretly hated him?

That invisible hand seemed to squeeze at his lungs, making it harder and harder for him to breathe as the thoughts invaded his head. The million _what ifs _made it extremely hard to concentrate on anything. The fact of the matter was that he couldn't know if she was ever being genuine at all. He couldn't know if she secretly hated him. Not until it was too late, anyway.__

__Josh shook his head as hard as he could, trying to make his thoughts go away. Though there was a chance that she was pretending, there was also a chance that she wasn't. There was a chance that she really did want to go back to the Sad Café with him. He tried to breathe again and found it a bit easier. This was one of the ways that he could calm down. If he could stop the pessimistic side of him from speaking, it was a whole lot easier._ _

__Suddenly, his phone buzzed. It was a text, probably from Tyler. He must've forgotten something there. Josh picked up the phone and almost dropped it from surprise._ _

__It wasn't from Tyler. It was from Paige._ _

___Holy crap, your band is amazing! _After her words, there was a black heart emoji. Josh blinked hard, trying to figure out if it was really there or if it was just part of his imagination. But it was there.__ _ _

____Then another text came through. It was an asterisk and a smiley face with closed eyes. _Sorry, I meant to send this one, not the other one. They were next to each other. _And a laughing emoji after that.___ _ _ _

_______It's alright _, Josh texted back, a small smile spreading across his face. He could imagine the awkward look that was probably crossing her face as she realized what she had done. It had only been a few hours, but he felt like he was really close with her.__ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He finally decided to go to the college. Texting Paige to make sure that it was okay first, he began heading that way, blasting Fall Out Boy._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________When he pulled up to the small building, Paige was already standing in the parking lot, her hair pushed back behind her shoulders. She was wearing a white t-shirt underneath a light blue flannel, dark blue jeans, and knee-high brown boots. She was also carrying about seven books in her arms, looking as if she was about to drop them all. Before he could get out, she walked over, shifting the books to one arm. Then she knocked on the passenger side window. He rolled it down, grinning at her._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Hello," he greeted._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Hi," she smiled. "Is it alright if I get in? It might be a little easier."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Sure," he said, unbuckling his seatbelt and reaching for the door to unlock it. He leaned back and was about to get out to open the door for her, but she pulled it open herself and got in, setting her books in her lap. Then she pulled a piece of paper out of one of the books and began looking over it, worry taking over her features. "What's wrong?" asked Josh, looking over. It was a schedule._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"I just switched my schedule around because I wanted to take another class, and they screwed the entire thing up. I don't know how I can take it back to them, either. I can't just walk in there and tell them that they screwed up. It's just like high school again." She laughed, but without humor. "Just my luck."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"It'll be okay," said Josh. He gave her a small smile as encouragement._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"But what if I walk into the wrong room? I can't do that. It'd be too embarrassing and everyone would think that I'm strange or stupid or---" She took a deep, shaky breath. "It's just really frustrating."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"I understand," said Josh. Paige looked at him as if she were seeing him for the first time. Then she slightly shook her head, as if shaking off a thought, and turned back to her schedule. "It's going to be okay. Maybe you could try to email the school or something if you're uncomfortable with talking to them. I'll proofread it, if you want me to." She nodded, still looking down. Then she finally looked back up at him with a small smile._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Thank you, Josh."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"No problem."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________She smiled again and reached around the seat, giving him a small hug. This stunned him a little, so he sat still for a moment before hugging her back. Paige must've felt his hesitation because her cheeks were red when she pulled away. "sorry," she muttered. "I-I just, um---"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"It's okay," Josh said quickly. He didn't want to be the reason why she felt bad. The reason that it stunned him so much was that Susan never hugged him much. He wasn't used to it, save for fans. He could tell that Paige felt especially awkward about it, so he reached over and hugged her again. "It's okay," he murmured to her. "Everything's going to be okay." He felt her nod against his shoulder._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Josh just hoped that she felt as close to him as he did to her, or else this would be extremely awkward._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"I, um---I think I've gotta go now," said Paige after sitting in silence for a few moments. Josh nodded, and she opened the door, grabbing her books. Before she left, she turned back and smiled at him sheepishly. "Thank you. Again." Before he could reply, she was heading back._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He pulled out of the parking lot and drove away, the anxious girl with the screwed-up schedule and the many textbooks and the nice smile and the sweet, awkward personality never leaving his mind once the entire way._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________As he pulled up to his house, his mind was set._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He was going back to the Sad Café for her tomorrow morning._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	7. g h o s t s

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Paige has a small choice to make and reminiscences.

When Paige reached her apartment, she closed the door behind her and sat on the couch, her mind racing.

Should she stay tonight? Or should she go to Evan's? He would be expecting her. It was her night to go to his place, after all. It was the only way that they could work around their busy schedules to see each other. She'd go once a week, he'd come once a week.

_No _, she thought, remembering. _I can't go to Evan's _.____

____But she could still feel his eyes on her, waiting for her to come. They could order pizza, watch _Supernatural _on Netflix, do all the things that they normally did on their visits.___ _ _ _

______No, she couldn't. She couldn't go._ _ _ _ _ _

______She shook her head, as if making it final. She was not going to Evan's. Not tonight, not next week, not ever._ _ _ _ _ _

______And he was never coming up there to her again, either._ _ _ _ _ _

______She buried her face in her hands, trying to keep the tears from flowing. They came anyway, flowing down her face and into her hands. She didn't know why. She was just stating a fact to herself. He wasn't coming back. Ever._ _ _ _ _ _

______Then she thought of Josh. Should she call him? Maybe he would make her feel better._ _ _ _ _ _

______No, she shouldn't call him. She'd probably be bothering him, and she didn't want to drive him away. Plus, she'd have to explain what was wrong if he asked._ _ _ _ _ _

______Maybe if she went to sleep, she'd feel a little better. Maybe if she slept, she'd dream that fantastic dream of dying again._ _ _ _ _ _

______Maybe she would dream of him._ _ _ _ _ _

______Whichever him it was, Josh or Evan. Either one would be pretty good._ _ _ _ _ _

______As she laid on the couch, crying silently, she could swear that she felt cold breath on her neck. It sent chills up her spine. Something pressed against her right side, right where Evan used to lay when he was trying to comfort her. A pang of guilt shot through her when she realized that she was thinking of Josh's comfort when she had Evan right there._ _ _ _ _ _

______But she didn't._ _ _ _ _ _

______Confused, sad, and alone, Paige decided to dream of her ghost boy until it was time to go to the Sad Café._ _ _ _ _ _

______Though, right as she drifted off into the familiar darkness, she wondered if she would see Josh again. if she could see him again._ _ _ _ _ _

______She really wanted to._ _ _ _ _ _

______She hoped she did._ _ _ _ _ _


	8. i s o l a t i o n

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, on the second night of meeting at the Sad Café, the conversation gets a little deeper.

Josh opened his eyes to his ringing alarm clock. At first he turned it off and rolled back over, wondering why it had gone off at three in the morning. But then he remembered that he was supposed to be meeting Paige this morning, back at the Sad Café, preferably as quickly as possible so she wouldn't think he'd skipped out on her.

He rubbed his eyes tiredly. He then pulled on a shirt and ran a brush through his hair before he pulled on shoes and headed out the door.

The town was quiet at three in the morning. He walked along, enjoying the silence. It cleared his head and allowed him to think a little more. It was also good for songwriting. Lyrics were already running through his head as he walked along the street, kicking at rocks and hoping that she would be there. That she hadn't left him alone tonight.

If worse came to worst, he could always head over to Tyler's house when he woke up.

There were a lot more people in the café, something that scared Josh. He wasn't sure he'd be completely comfortable around all of those people, but then he caught sight of Paige sitting at the table, staring into her coffee. The sight made him smile a little.

She hadn't left him.

He walked in, still a bit wary of all the people. They turned and looked him over as he walked by them, and he could feel the tightening in his chest again. They were probably judging him. He didn't look a lot like any of them, with his dyed red hair and tattoos and nose ring. Everyone in here looked nice, like they belonged.

Paige looked up at him, a surprised smile playing its way across her face. He smiled back and sat down as she slid a mug full of dark liquid towards him. "Sorry, I didn't know if you were coming, but I decided to order for you anyway. I can get Jeremy to take it back if you don't like it."

"Thank you," he said, and took a sip. The coffee was a bit too bitter for his liking, but it didn't matter. She had been thoughtful enough to order it, and he didn't want to be rude. So he took another sip. And another, and another, and another.

"Because of you, I've barely slept tonight," Paige said, and he looked at her.  
"Why?" His chest tightened. What had he done?

"Your band is too dang good for sleep," she said sweetly, and he silently sighed with relief. "I kid you not, I've been awake since about midnight listening." Something flashed in her eyes as she said it though, he noticed. Something sad, like she wasn't telling the whole story. But he pretended that he hadn't seen anything at all.

"Thank you. It means a lot, and I'm really glad that you enjoy our music." There was a silence for a minute, and then he decided to bring the conversation back. "How long have you been coming to this café?"

"Since I was seventeen," she said, looking back down into her coffee. "It wasn't the bad dreams that originally brought me here, but they're the reason that I stay. And I also like it because I can meet people here. People that are like me."

"Yeah," he said. "That's always a good thing."

"Yep. And you don't have to be scared here. The others are just as nervous as you, and they're really sweet." Had she caught him looking around? "They're just looking because they're curious. We don't really get many new people here." Josh caught the eye of an elderly woman with steely gray hair and bifocals, who smiled at him before turning back to her breakfast. When he turned back to the front, Paige had popped something into her mouth and was drinking her drink.

"If you don't mind my asking, what brought you here first?"

She looked down at the table for the third time during the conversation, tracing the lines of the wood. It reminded Josh of the initials he had found carved into it last night. And the place where Paige's nimble, skinny fingers were sliding over had the same appearance. She bit her lip, and he wondered if he'd asked the wrong thing. But she finally opened her mouth and spoke. "Anxiety. It used to be worse than it is now. That was what brought me here, along with somebody that I used to know."

Josh nodded. "I understand." The words slipped out of his mouth before he could stop them, and she looked up at him so quickly that he thought she was going to get whiplash.  
"Really?" The word escaped her lips so quietly that Josh could barely hear it.

"Yeah," he said. "It's been kind of difficult, but I have ways of coping with it and trying to overcome it. All you have to do is find a cat to chase the mouse away." He gently laid his hands on top of hers, which made her eyes focus on his.

Memories suddenly flashed through his mind, all of the times that his appearance and mannerisms had made him self-conscious, how he'd always been worried of what other people thought of him, and the thoughts that still plagued him now. He still cared what they thought, but he tried not to show it. His cat was working, was chasing the mice away, and that was the important thing.

"Paige, have you found your cat?" he asked gently.

"Yeah," she said, biting her lip. "Yeah. I did find him. but he died because he was too far away from home and got caught in a flood. Some of the mice drowned with him, but not all of them. The living ones mostly stay away, but they still infest my brain sometimes. I'm able to kill them, though."

"Good," he said, and then he moved his hands away from hers. He really didn't want to, but he didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

The next few minutes were spent just sipping their coffees in silence. Josh didn't know what else to say to her. This conversation had not been like the others. It had been heavy, and he felt kinda bad for bringing it up. Finally, he decided on another topic of conversation.

"We've got another practice today. Do you want to come? You could meet Tyler." He crossed his fingers under the table and hoped she'd say yes. This feeling was alien to him. Only once had he felt so close to a stranger, and that man had become his best friend. He wondered if it would be the same way with Paige.

"I'd love to," she said, and his heart fluttered a little. "As long as it's okay with you and Tyler, that is. I don't want to intrude or anything."

"You won't be intruding. honestly. I want you to come if you want to."

"Okay. What time?"

"It'll probably start around eight. I'll drop you off at the college afterwards, if you want me to." Paige nodded, and Josh smiled at her again before he looked down at his phone. It was three twenty-four in the morning. "Our time," he muttered, smiling.

"What?" asked Paige, leaning over the table a little.

"Nothing," he said, pocketing his phone.

There were butterflies in Josh's stomach, but he wanted to stay. Paige seemed to notice that he was feeling a little off, because she said, "If you want to go ahead and go and we can meet up later, it's okay."

"Alright," he nodded, getting up. "I'll come pick you up here, if that's okay." She nodded and smiled, and he began to leave.

"And Josh?" she called. He paused and looked at her. "You were thinking out loud earlier. Don't ever feel uncomfortable with your appearance. You look amazing."

Josh felt the blush rising on his cheeks as he exited the café, and the butterflies just increased.

His day had already been made, and it had barely even started.

All thanks to her.


	9. n i n e  i n  t h e  a f t e r n o o n

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Paige waits.

Paige sat in the same seat even after Josh left, staring into her coffee. She couldn't move for a moment, couldn't breathe after that conversation they'd just had. She had met someone who was just like her. Though she was glad she wasn't alone, she hated the fact that he had to suffer, too. She hated the fact that Josh hurt just as much as she did, was as terrified as she was.

She also didn't want to move because he said he was coming back later. She didn't know what time he would come. She didn't want him to think that she'd blown him off or anything. So she just stirred her coffee and looked at the time.

It was only a four-and-a-half-hour wait.

Suddenly, Dan walked up to her, still wearing his apron and holding a pitcher of coffee. "Where did your friend go?"

"He had to leave, but he's coming back later," explained Paige. She smiled a little and shrugged, pretending that it wasn't a big deal. She knew that Dan had a crush on her but had left her alone because of Evan. She didn't want to bother him with her excitement or hurt his feelings again because of how excited she was to hang out with Josh.

"Ah. What time?"

"I don't exactly know. Maybe a little before eight."

"Do you mind if I sit with you?" he asked, and Paige scooted over, allowing him room to sit. Dan sat down and brushed his curly dark hair out of his eyes.

"So, how long has your friend been coming here?" Dan was always one to get straight to the point. Paige admired him for that, but sometimes it could get to be a little too much.

"His first visit was yesterday," admitted Paige. "He came in and was looking sad, so I sat with him and we just talked."

"And you just hit it off," muttered Dan. Paige nodded, biting her lip. "You seem quite close to have known each other for twenty-four hours."

Paige rolled her eyes. "We spent most of yesterday together, which resulted in getting to know each other some. I'm gonna be with him some today. He's letting me listen to his band."

"Is he going to try to get you to play again?" asked Dan, his voice full of concern.

"No, Dan, he isn't. I just told him that I liked the music so he's letting me go with him. He doesn't even know about the instrument thing."

"Are you sure he's safe to be around?"

"If you're implying that he's a serial killer, he probably would've already murdered me." Paige was beginning to get slightly irritated by Dan's questions. Plus, she was getting tired. Coffee had that effect on her. She would feel the caffeine working for a short period of time, and then it would make her even more exhausted than before. She wanted to sleep, and she knew that she probably could for a short while.

Paige crawled under the table and quickly slipped her earbuds in before selecting her music and choosing _Vessel _. Then she crawled onto the other side and laid down on the seat, making sure that her earbuds were hidden. "I'm tired. Can you please tell me a story or something to get me to sleep?"__

__This is the way that it usually was. When Paige grew tired of conversation, she would use sleep as an excuse. She didn't want to hurt Dan's feelings, so she allowed him to stay and pretended to listen to his stories while she fell asleep. She mainly slept because she knew that they weren't true. Dan could make up some of the craziest, unrealistic stories to try to pass off as fact._ _

__Paige closed her eyes and allowed the sound of Tyler's voice and Josh's drum beats to send her off to sleep._ _

__~ ~ ~_ _

___The dream was great. She wasn't being swallowed by darkness. Instead, she was entering a room filled with light, Evan in the middle of it, wearing a nice suit and tie. She kept on walking slowly towards him, and his brown eyes met hers. Then he brushed his blond, wavy hair out of his eyes and smiled.  
He remembered her. ____ _

_____Sometimes he didn't, but he did this time. ____ _ _ _

_______Slowly, he allowed his soft hand to slip into hers as music started softly playing. There was a huge grandfather clock on the wall, and it struck nine in the afternoon. The sun was still up, though, setting and casting their shadows to the west in the room that faced north. ____ _ _ _ _ _

_________But suddenly, it wasn't Evan. It was Josh, standing in the same suit and smiling down at her. Paige smiled up at him and continued dancing around the room, feeling her heart beginning to beat faster. Josh held her close as the birds outside of the window began to sing, and the snow started to fall. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________And they danced around the room in which everything seemed possible again, seemed almost right, but where nothing could actually exist. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	10. y o u  f o u n d  m e

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Josh discovers that Paige is not as fine as she seems.

Josh pulled up to Tyler's house at six that morning. He didn't know if his friend was awake or not, but he didn't care. He'd just sit in front of his house until he was. Tyler wouldn't mind; he never did. This was an occurrence that happened quite often, nights when he couldn't sleep and needed to go somewhere.

Josh rested his head against the seat, his eyelids growing heavy again. He couldn't sleep, though. What if he didn't wake up in time? Sleepily, he reached for the notebook and pencil he always kept in the passenger seat. It'd feel weird writing without Tyler, but he needed some way to stay awake.

He cracked open the notebook and pressed the tip of the pencil against the paper, but the words never came. The words that had been in his head a few seconds before had fled, becoming prisoner to the darkness, dying before they could come to life. He strained to revive them, but to no avail. Blowing out a frustrated breath, he put the notebook back in its place and put in _Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge _. Maybe listening to that would wake him up.__

__He didn't even make it all the way through "Helena" before he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep._ _

__~ ~ ~_ _

__The next thing he was aware of was someone's hand shaking him awake._ _

__Light poured through the windshield, making him squint. When he looked to the side, Tyler was there. When he saw that Josh was awake, he withdrew his hand. "Sorry. I didn't want to wake you, but it's almost time for practice, and I remembered that you said something about picking Paige up and letting her watch."_ _

__Josh groaned, turning down the volume of the radio. "You're right. What time is it?" His eyes drowsily wandered over to the clock, which was barely coming into focus. Twenty minutes after eight. "Crap!" He jumped up, wide awake now. He was already supposed to be on his way to pick Paige up. "Tyler, do you mind if I go right now?"_ _

__"I don't mind. In fact, I'll come with you if you want." Tyler shut the door and walked to the passenger side. When he opened the door, Josh quickly moved the notebook and pencil to make room. "And we could even get Taco Bell, if you and Paige are up for it."_ _

__"I'll have to ask her. But I'm always up for Taco Bell," laughed Josh, starting the car and pulling out of the driveway._ _

__There was a comfortable silence for about half of the car ride, then Josh remembered that he had _Three Cheers _in. Right as he began to turn it back up, Tyler asked, "Do you like her?"___ _

____Josh pulled the steering wheel hard for a quarter of a second, caught off guard by the random question. Then he straightened up the vehicle again. "No," he said. "I mean, she's cool, but I'd have to get to know her a little better first before I could determine that." The shrug he attempted was supposed to be nonchalant, but by the way his best friend looked at him, it wasn't believable. Josh kept his eyes on the road, hoping that Tyler wasn't trying to read him. Because, inside his head, a small voice whispered, "Yes, you do."_ _ _ _

____There were a few more seconds of less comfortable silence, then Josh decided that a subject change was in order. "So, what are your thoughts on our set list for next year? What should we play?"_ _ _ _

____"Dude, we've already talked about it. Remember?" asked Tyler with a smile, and Josh knew that he was busted. "I know what you were trying to ask. You were trying to ask what we should play for her. My suggestion would be 'Can't Help Falling In Love,' but it's your call." Josh shot a glare at him, making him burst out in laughter. "Just kidding."_ _ _ _

____"Are you going to do this the entire time?"_ _ _ _

____"Maybe."_ _ _ _

____"Just remember, the more you do it, the chances of me buying you something at Taco Bell diminish even more," joked Josh. Tyler turned forward in his seat again, his mouth closed. Josh smiled a little to himself and kept driving. Then Tyler spoke up again._ _ _ _

____"Hey, Josh?"_ _ _ _

____"Yeah?"_ _ _ _

____"I still think you should do 'Can't Help Falling In Love.'" He snickered even louder, and Josh sighed quietly, smiling a little._ _ _ _

____Though it could potentially kill every single chance at friendship (or more) that he had with her, it actually wasn't that awful of an idea. "Thanks. I'll actually consider it."_ _ _ _

____And the car became silent again._ _ _ _

____~ ~ ~_ _ _ _

____When the café came into view, Josh was shocked to find that it was completely empty. Though the amount of people inside at three in the morning wasn't much more than this, he figured that someone must go in. How else were they supposed to stay in business?_ _ _ _

____Choosing a parking spot, Josh stopped the vehicle and both of them climbed out. Josh could feel his heartbeat increasing, though he wasn't exactly sure why. It was only Paige. He was comfortable around her. He shouldn't feel nervous around her, or even at the thought of her._ _ _ _

____Maybe the voice inside of his head wasn't completely wrong._ _ _ _

____His hands slightly shook as he began walking to the door. What if she wasn't even here? What if she got tired of waiting and just decided to leave? What if she didn't come back tomorrow morning, or ever?_ _ _ _

____A small, encouraging push from Tyler pulled him out of his thoughts and returned his focus to opening the door. Josh took a deep breath, feeling his lungs filling and then deflating again. He closed his eyes, focusing on those two small actions for a moment. Tyler, sensing that he was still nervous, took a step away. Josh inhaled one more time and then yanked open the door._ _ _ _

____The place was completely empty. That's the first thing he noticed. No one was around, not even the waiters or the cashier._ _ _ _

____The second thing that registered in his mind was that Paige left and hadn't come back._ _ _ _

____The small bit of hope that Josh had held deflated in his chest, and a small part of him felt like crying. The backs of his eyes stung slightly as he bit his lip. He felt like he was being crushed by a huge rock, having all of his bones crunched under the weight, yet he was somehow still alive._ _ _ _

____She wasn't coming back._ _ _ _

____All of a sudden, Josh sensed a dripping noise. It was faint, something that he could barely pick up, but it was there. It wasn't coming from the kitchen, either. It was nearer than that. He began heading towards the noise. When Tyler didn't follow, Josh turned back and looked at him, beckoning him to come along. But then he saw the look of shock that covered his friend's face, his eyes frozen on the floor. Slowly, Josh turned around and looked._ _ _ _

____Coffee was covering the white floor, running all across it. Inside of the brown liquid floated a crimson liquid, running in small streams._ _ _ _

____Josh began taking small steps forward, his feet feeling like lead. He finally made it to the source and had to bite his tongue to keep from crying out._ _ _ _

____Paige was lying on the seat where she had been. She was turned towards the table, her hands in front of her. She was soaking wet, her clothes covered in the dark liquid. In her hands were shards of glass from the cup, stained with her blood. She had somehow gripped it until it broke. Blood dripped into the floor. And she was somehow still asleep._ _ _ _

____Josh finally inhaled again and quickly rushed over to her, shaking her as hard as he could. He had to wake her up. Though it wasn't as much blood as he had first thought, her palms were completely slathered in it, and he didn't want her to lose any more. "Paige!" he called. "Paige! Wake up!"_ _ _ _

____Her eyes flew open quickly, and she winced. Then she looked up at him in surprise before looking down at her hands slowly, watching the blood flowing down her palms, the stains on her jeans from where they had pressed down a little. "You found me," she murmured under her breath. Her breathing had increased rapidly, and she seemed scared. She bit her lip hard, looking like she was trying to keep herself from crying. "This is why I don't sleep."_ _ _ _

____And then she jumped to her feet quickly. Josh tried to stop her, but she pushed past him and headed out of the door, leaving bloody hand prints on his shirt and the glass as she fled._ _ _ _


	11. b u r n i n g  b r i d g e s

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Paige opens up a little more.

Paige bolted down the empty sidewalk, through the grass, between the trees, never once looking back. Her hands stung badly, but she ignored them. She rubbed them on her jeans when there was too much blood pumping out of them. She knew she couldn't stop now, couldn't go back to the café. Not until Josh was gone.

She had screwed up, and now Josh knew exactly how much of a freak she was.

They were getting along quite well, and then _this _had to happen.__

__Finally, Paige made her way to the bridge and sat down, trying to take deep breaths. The water was normally calming, but it did nothing to help her now._ _

__Evan could help her in this situation._ _

__But Evan was probably underneath her somewhere, held under the still water by something unseen, moving around when the waves rippled. The only way that he could help her was if she found him. But she couldn't find him yet._ _

__It wasn't her time to try to find him._ _

__Footsteps broke her out of her train of thought. She whipped around and saw Josh heading towards her, looking concerned. Paige rose to her feet quickly, ready to flee again, when Josh held up his hands in a surrender. "I just want to talk. That's all I want to do." Paige nodded and swallowed, staring at her blood on his shirt. She'd ruined it._ _

__She ruined everything she touched._ _

__And soon, she'd ruin Joshua Dun, too._ _

__"Where's Tyler?" she asked quietly, hoping that she could partially distract Josh. As she asked the question, her eyes flitted to the ground. She couldn't look into his eyes, for she was terrified of what she'd see. Anger. Disgust. Or, even worse, humor at the fact that Paige was so screwed up._ _

__"He's still at the café. I figured you wouldn't want him to hear this stuff, since you haven't even been properly introduced yet." Josh began moving closer, and Paige took a few steps back. "Don't be afraid, Paige. Please. It's just me that you're talking to."_ _

__“Aren't you going to ask the question?" asked Paige, her voice even quieter. It sounded weak in her ears, and she cursed herself. Another thing that could be used against her if need be._ _

__"What question?"_ _

__"Why I did what I did. Why the cup was shattered. Anything along those lines. I've gotten many variations of it in the past few years." She bit her lip and gathered enough courage to look up at Josh. He was looking right at her, his dark eyes a mixture of sadness and concern, as well as prodding her to go on. "It’s because I was having a dream. It was actually quite a good dream. It was about---" She cut off there, feeling the heat rising in her cheeks. She wasn't about to admit that she'd dreamt of him. "That's not important. Anyway, it was a good dream, and when that happens, my brain seems determined to always make my body remind me that nothing like that could ever exist." She shrugged. "Smashing the coffee cup was just one of those ways."_ _

__Josh nodded and was silent for a few moments. Then he moved closer to Paige. She began to flinch away, but then realized something. Josh wasn't like the other people. He didn't want to ridicule her. He didn't want to make her a laughingstock. He was doing this because he was honestly concerned._ _

__"Do you want to sit down?" he asked, and she finally agreed. They sat down together, and Josh wrapped one of his arms around Paige's shoulders. The contact immediately made her jump, but then she relaxed a little. If Josh noticed this, he didn't show it. Instead, he took her hands gingerly into his and looked them over. "We may need to get you to the hospital," he murmured._ _

__"No, that's okay. They've already stopped bleeding now. I'm okay. It's no big deal," Paige rambled. In reality, she hadn't been to a hospital in a long time. She was deathly afraid of them, and the last time she'd been in one was also the day Evan left._ _

__They both sat in silence for quite some time. Josh stared out into the water while Paige looked up at him, watching the sun glint off of his nose ring. She noticed the way his red hair moved slightly in the wind, the soft sound of his breathing, the small circles he was tracing on her shoulder with his thumb. She took notice of him the way she hadn't before. and she smiled a little. When Josh returned that smile, she cast her eyes to the ground quickly._ _

__He'd been watching her staring at him._ _

__She couldn't think of much that would be more awkward than that._ _

__"Do you want to burn a bridge or two?" asked Josh suddenly, his voice slicing through the silence like a knife. Paige turned and looked at him quickly in disbelief. "Figuratively, not literally," he added, and she relaxed before nodding. "Alright. Tell me something that's been bothering you. Get it out of your system, and I'll find a way to burn it down. Guaranteed to work."_ _

__"Don't you have bridges to burn, too?" asked Paige._ _

__"Yeah. I'll burn them when the time comes, though. Not today. I've learned from experience that it's extremely hard to live with the smell of gas on your hands, watching the thing you loved burning to the ground. But when you have the ability to forgive and forget, then it isn't so bad." He looked at the sky, and Paige looked at him._ _

__How could such a beautiful human being have gone through so much?_ _

__"Evan loved this bridge," she blurted out before she could stop herself. "He was the reason why I went to the café. Why I come here. He loved the bridge, and the water, and the beauty. His entire life was here. It's ironic that this is also where the life...stopped."_ _

__When Josh said nothing, she sat there in awe. Had she really just struck a match to burn Evan, as well as this whole place, to the ground? To kill all of the remaining life left?  
Josh wrapped his arms around her. Paige knew that he didn't completely understand the story---she didn't even completely understand it herself---and he didn't know that Evan existed until after the time that he'd stopped doing just that, but he cared. He cared more than all of the others, it seemed. Though people had grieved at first, they kind of faltered out. Paige had been left in the dust, living in the shadow of a memory that no longer was alive or could hold a shape._ _

__But Josh was there now. And she was beyond grateful for that._ _

__"Hey, Josh?" she finally asked, after he let go of her._ _

__"Yeah?"_ _

__"Do you want to go back to the café now? You have practice, I have school, and I think we kind of abandoned Tyler."_ _

__"Yeah," Josh repeated, sheepishly this time. "Yeah, that'd probably be a good idea." He pushed himself up and then held out a hand for Paige. She took it gratefully, willingly, and then they headed down the hill._ _

__Although Paige was smiling a little, and although she felt better inside, she could swear that she smelled gas coming from somewhere._ _

__Maybe it was her imagination._ _

__Maybe it was real._ _

__Maybe it was her memories, burning until there was nothing left, the ashes floating away._ _

__And Paige didn't know which would be the worst._ _


	12. i r i s

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which band practice goes adorably well.

Josh didn't mind having a hand to hold on the way down. In fact, he was quite glad to have one. Not only was it someone's hand, but the hand of the girl he'd come to consider his friend in the past couple days. And though it was cut up and still a tad bit bloody, he didn't mind. He could just wash all of it off when they got back to the café. But that was beside the point.

Paige was there, and he was calm, and everything in this moment was okay.

As they reached the bottom of the hill, he expected that she would let go of him. He expected a withdrawal of the small, slightly cold hand as she pulled away from him and reverted back to her nervous state as she began to slowly allow the rats to infest her mind again. But she didn't. She kept holding on, maybe even a little tighter than she had before. In turn, Josh curled his fingers around hers even more, holding on to her for as long as he could before she slipped away from him again.

As they made their way back to the café, Josh spotted Tyler sitting outside, waiting for them. He had went back to the vehicle and gotten his jacket. It was now slung loosely around his shoulders. When Josh kept approaching him, still holding Paige's hand tightly, he saw the knowing smirk cross his best friend's face for a moment. He rolled his eyes in response, grinning a little. Then he quickly looked over at Paige, who was staring at the ground with a nervous look in her eyes. In that moment, he was thankful that she hadn't seen his and Tyler's small exchange.

For a moment, all three of them stood still. Josh didn't know exactly how he was going to introduce Tyler to Paige, or if this was even a good idea. Paige seemed nervous around people she didn't know. Finally, Tyler moved, sticking his hand out to Paige with a friendly smile. For this, Josh was thankful. And he was absolutely relieved when Paige took Tyler's hand gently with her free one and shook it, giving him a small smile.

"I'm Tyler," Tyler greeted.

"It's nice to meet you, Tyler. I'm Paige," said Paige, making eye contact with him for the first time.

"It's nice to meet you, too. Josh has been telling me a lot about you." Paige's expression was full of surprise as she turned to look at Josh, and he wasn't sure what to do. Maybe she took it as it was meant to be taken, as a friendly _yeah, we've been talking and he says you're really nice _type of statement. That's what he hoped, anyway.__

___At least for now. ____ _

____His eyes widened at the thought. He had no idea where it had come from; it was out of left field. Sure, he'd been contemplating how he felt about Paige on the way there, but he was positive that the feelings weren't romantic. So why was he thinking like that now?_ _ _ _

____"Is that okay with you, Josh?" he heard Tyler say. Josh looked up at his best friend, who was obviously waiting for an answer. Realizing that he had zoned out for longer than he thought, Josh nodded slowly, wondering what he was agreeing to. "Alright, let's go. Our vehicle's this way." He motioned to Paige and began leading the way to the car._ _ _ _

____When they got there, both Tyler and Paige reached for the backseat door handle at the same time. "You can sit up front, Paige," Tyler insisted. Josh immediately knew what he was doing. Tyler loved sitting in the passenger seat._ _ _ _

____"No, that's okay. You can sit there," Paige said. "I'm fine with the back."_ _ _ _

____"Please sit up there," Tyler pleaded. Paige looked at him for another moment and finally gave in, moving over and opening the passenger side door. Josh got into the driver's seat, and then they left._ _ _ _

____After they pulled out onto the main road, Tyler leaned forward and whispered to Josh, "Remember the two important things: Taco Bell and Elvis."_ _ _ _

____Josh rolled his eyes and smiled. "Your wish is my command," he said. Tyler grinned like a maniac and Paige shot him a confused look._ _ _ _

____It was easily the cutest thing Josh had seen all day._ _ _ _

____~ ~ ~_ _ _ _

____Paige sat at Josh's drum set, staring down at it. He sat next to her on a wooden crate, watching her stare at the set, completely mesmerized. This had been going on for a few minutes now. Tyler had declared a taco break about ten minutes before, heading upstairs. Now they had been left alone again._ _ _ _

____"What are you thinking about?" asked Josh, leaning forward._ _ _ _

____"Nothing," Paige responded, shaking her head. "I guess I just miss it sometimes." She looked down and looked over at the notebook that Josh had brought in with him, which was lying open on the floor. "Why don't you ever sing anything you write?"_ _ _ _

____"I don't know," shrugged Josh, biting his lip._ _ _ _

____He felt like there was a screen on his chest, on his head if he ever shared the things he wrote entirely by himself. He felt that it would show everything, from the pumping of his heart to the inner workings of his mind, his thoughts and his fears, what he loved and hated the most, and everything in between. He didn't want the world to see him. They wouldn't understand the way some people would. They could do anything with that information they wanted. It made Josh feel sick to his stomach just thinking about it._ _ _ _

____Paige tenderly touched one of the drumsticks. "I'm probably gonna need to play all of your songs just to get some kind of workout after all of the tacos I ate," she joked._ _ _ _

____"Nah, you look good. I'll be the one needing the work." Josh patted his stomach tenderly and rubbed it a few times for extra emphasis. The grin that broke out on Paige's face was contagious. He smiled back widely._ _ _ _

____"Guess what?" she asked, suddenly serious._ _ _ _

____"What?" he sat up a little straighter. Paige leaned over as if she was about to whisper something into his ear. Josh's heartbeat began to increase, and he could feel it in his throat. Paige kept on getting closer, finally leaning as far as she could without falling off of her seat. She poked Josh in the stomach._ _ _ _

____"You're it!"_ _ _ _

____Josh smiled and poked her back in the arm. "Nope, you are!"_ _ _ _

____"Now you are!"_ _ _ _

____This game lasted for what felt like forever. The longer it proceeded, the giggles erupted from both of their throats, the grins got wider, and the friendship between them grew. By the time Tyler came back, they were both in the floor, faces red with laughter, still poking each other, and acting like five-year-old children._ _ _ _

____And in that time, Josh realized that although he wasn't ready to show off his heart and brain to the world, he wouldn't mind sharing them with her. He'd already done this with Tyler, with good results._ _ _ _

____He just hoped that she would be the same way._ _ _ _


	13. c a n ' t  h e l p  f a l l i n g  i n  l o v e

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Josh and Paige bond over a shared love of drumming and Dan is a jerk.

For the first time in a long time, Paige wasn't terrified. She wasn't afraid of being judged, she didn't feel like she was gonna cave under pressure, and she didn't feel like she didn't belong. She felt...normal.

Sitting at Josh's drum set after she had gotten up off of the floor, she didn't think about how she hated that she loved to drum. She didn't think about how she knew her mother always wanted a highly feminine child that she could dress up and take shopping. She didn't think about the stares she got while she listening to heavier music or playing video games or trying out for the football team (even though she never made it). She thought of none of this.

Instead, she concentrated on the set itself. It was almost identical to hers, which was still sitting at home, miles away. She looked over every separate drum, running her fingers over the surface and looking at all of the dents in the cymbals, smiling a little. She took the sticks in her hands, still slightly warm from where Josh had held them. The wood felt good in her hands, smooth, and she ran them over her skin a few times.

Then she slowly tapped the cymbal.

Josh's head snapped up quickly, and Paige instinctively dropped the drumstick. "Sorry," she muttered, leaning over to pick it up. "I just got caught in the moment. I won't do anything else."

"No, no, play all you want. It just surprised me, that's all. I had just remembered that you said you'd stopped playing, so it took me aback. That's all." He gave her an encouraging smile, and she smiled back.\

Slowly, she began tapping again, finally hitting harder and moving faster than before. She played all of the things that she had made up in high school, smiling at the memory of how easy it was to lose herself in the repetitive motions, how good it felt.

She finally put the sticks back and looked up. Her friend's eyes were sparkling, and she knew that whatever he was thinking, it wasn't bad. It wasn't a look of disapproval. If anything, it was the opposite. Paige savored it. It was the first time she'd ever received that look after showing someone her hobby.

There was the sound of applause, and Paige looked up to see Tyler coming closer, smiling and clapping. When he got close enough, he looked down at Josh. "Josh, you're out of the band. We have a new drummer now." He grinned at Paige.

Josh got up from the floor and leaned over her. Then he whispered, "Don't worry. I'll get back in tomorrow. Then we'll kick Tyler out and I'll promote you to lead singer." Paige giggled at the thought of it.

"I'm gonna go get another taco," Tyler said, walking out of the room. Paige watched him go, wondering if he always came and left this frequently. Josh stared at him as well.

"He must be extra hungry today or something," he mumbled, though it seemed a little too loud to be to just himself.

They sat in silence for a few more moments, and then Paige's alarm went off, making a blush rise in her cheeks. "Can't Help Falling In Love" blasted through the room, Tyler's strong voice echoing through. Quickly, she reached down and turned it off, feeling even more mortified as Josh began to laugh.

"That was my alarm," she giggled nervously. "I thought I'd turned it off. It's in case I wake up and accidentally fall asleep again."

"Paige, it's eleven thirty in the morning."

"Exactly."

Josh smiled and muttered something that Paige didn't quite catch. It sounded something like, "I guess we didn't need Elvis after all. you already have it," but she wasn't sure.

The alarm went off once again, but before she could shut it off, Josh said, "Wait." She looked up at him. "Can we listen to it, please?" She nodded, and he rose to his feet. then he held out his hand. "And," he looked at the ground nervously, swallowing, "may I have this dance?"

To say that Paige was shocked would be a complete understatement. Josh wanted to dance with _her_? To _this_ song?

It was almost like her dream again. Except for the fact that this was reality.

"It's okay if you don't," said Josh, dropping his hand. "I just thought, you know, in case you wanted to unwind a little more---"

Paige stood up and walked over to him, taking both of his hands in hers. She had absolutely no idea where the sudden burst of confidence came from, but she didn't mind it. "Let's dance," she smiled.

So they did.

Josh pulled her closer, so close that she was surprised that she wasn't able to feel his heartbeat. She wrapped her arms around his neck while he put his around her waist. Quietly, they hummed along, never breaking eye contact. Finally, Josh stepped away a little, taking Paige's hands in his. Slowly, he spun her around and pulled her closer to him. She didn't move away. They stood like that even as the last note of the song played and Tyler's voice faded away.

Paige had never felt so comfortable with someone so quickly. Not with Evan, and certainly not with anyone else. She wondered what would have happened if Josh hadn't found the Sad Café. Would they have ever met?

She stared up at him, at his huge smile. She savored the laughter that escaped from his mouth and the feeling of his arms around her stomach, holding her to him.

And in that moment, she realized exactly how lucky she was to have a friend as amazing as Josh Dun.

Suddenly, Tyler popped into the doorway, scaring her. It must've scared Josh as well because he let her go and she jumped away from him, hoping that Tyler couldn't sense the moment they were just sharing.

"Did I honestly just miss the Elvis?" asked Tyler in disbelief. Paige looked over at Josh, who was nodding. "Crap! The entire reasoning for the plan was so that I could be around to see it."

"What plan?" asked Paige. Josh was shaking his hand and making a cutting motion against his throat.

"Nothing," said Tyler quickly, obviously remembering something. "It's just an inside joke between us. Right, Dog Breath?"

"Right, Baby Boy," said Josh, grinning at the nickname. There was a look of relief in his eyes, and Paige wondered what she was missing.

She would probably never fully understand those two.

"Okay," said Josh, finally breaking the silence, "ready to resume practice?"

~ ~ ~\

The time passed quickly, much to Paige's dismay. "Sorry, guys," she said, "but I have to go now. Can't be late to class."

"Alright," said Josh, standing up and stretching.

"It was nice meeting you, Tyler," smiled Paige, waving to him. Tyler waved back. Josh walked over to her.

"Did you bring your bag with you?"

"I left it with Dan, back at the café. He normally asks me to give it to him because he knows that I'll forget it otherwise."

They walked out together, and Paige began to wonder why Josh was following her. Then she remembered that she had come here in his vehicle, so that was the only way she was leaving. Unless she walked, that was.

Josh got into the driver's seat, so she chose the passenger side yet again. As he started the car, she began looking through all of his CDs. My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, Panic! At The Disco, Sum 41, Brand New---he had amazing taste. Her fingers barely grazed each of the cases, amazed at all of them.

"Would you like to listen to one?" She jumped a little at Josh's voice, then looked up at him, cursing herself for looking stupid by getting scared over something like that.

"No, that---that's okay. What you have in is good right now," she smiled.

"You sure?" he asked as she eyed _The Black Parade_. She bit her lip and finally gave in, selecting the CD and pulling it out of its case. Josh took the other out and popped in _The Black Parade_. As "The End." started, they both sat in silence, allowing the music to fill the vehicle.

Paige's heart began to swell with a mixture of emotions as it went on. This was her second favorite on the album, "Sleep" being her first, but it always made her feel sad and gave her the sense of being completely isolated. She loved it because of the dark lyrical content, but she hated it because it was so relatable that it sent a physical pain through her chest. Evan used to say that he could relate, too.

When it was over, she leaned forward, her finger hovering over the skip button. "May I?" Josh nodded, and she skipped to number ten. Though she loved the ones in between as well, she wanted to make sure she at least had time to listen to "Sleep" before she had to go.

The rest of the ride passed by quickly, with not much conversation exchanged. It was comfortable silence, though, as if neither of them felt the need to talk. It was the silence friends could hold, an enjoyable one.

The building finally came into view. When Josh pulled into the parking lot, Paige smiled up at him. "Thank you. For finding me, for picking me up, for taking me to your practice and bringing me here. I had a great time. And I'm honestly sorry about ruining your shirt."

"I'm glad you had a good time," he replied. "I did too. And it's okay. It's really old, anyway. I honestly don't mind. I hope you have a great day. Are we still on for the café?"

Paige couldn't help but allow her smile to grow and let out a small laugh. The way he said it was just so adorable. And the way that he looked at her like a puppy, hope in his eyes, wasn't helping the matter. "Yeah, we're still on."

"Great! See you then." With that, Paige got out of the truck and began walking into the building, the smile still on her face.

For the first time, she wasn't nervous to be here. She was still thinking about Josh, about how comfortable he made her feel. She wasn't concentrating on the stares she got from other people. She was too busy thinking about the warmth of his smile.

Maybe Josh could be her new cat, the one to chase the rats in her brain away.

She made it to her first class, taking her place right beside Dan. He handed her the backpack silently, and she noticed that he was giving her an odd look. "What?" she asked.

"You're smiling," he pointed out. "You don't ever smile that big when it's time for class."

"I've just had a really good morning."

"Was that Josh guy involved?" Dan asked, and Paige heard the jealousy in his voice. She nodded and he sighed, turning in his chair.

"Don't be like this, Dan," she pleaded. "He's really nice, a very friendly guy. He's a good friend." Even better than you, a small part of her finished, but she bit her tongue. She wasn't going to say that.

"Yeah, he sounds like it. He sounds just like Evan."

"What's that supposed to mean?" She was getting defensive now. What had gotten into Dan?

"Everything about him will remind you of Evan. Everything. And it'll hurt, Paige. Because of it, you won't even be able to be near him. And then you'll come running to me to tell me all about it."

She shook her head in disbelief. This wasn't how he usually acted at all. And everyone reminded her of Evan. Everyone. So what if she saw a little of him in Josh? She saw some in Dan, too. It didn't matter. She still liked Josh as Josh, just as she had liked Dan as Dan. And the last part was just plain offensive.

"Screw you, Dan," she muttered, then turned in her own chair to face the front as the professor began the lesson.


	14. c h a s i n g  c a r s

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Josh falls even harder.

It had been three months since Josh first stepped into the Sad Café, and he had loved every visit since. Over ninety cups of coffee, over ninety fits of laughter, and over ninety conversations with Paige. And he had never gotten tired of it, not for one second.

He knew he never would.

Every night, he noticed something different about her. He saw the way she would try to cover her smile with her hand, and the way she began doing it less and less as the time progressed. He noticed the way her eyes lit up any time he mentioned drumming, and he watched the way she fiddled with her sleeves or played with her hair when she was nervous, always the same strands of it. He watched as she stirred her coffee, eight swirls around before she'd even take a sip. He also knew the many kinds of laughter she had: the entertained kind, the polite kind, and the kind where she couldn't breathe because of how funny something was. He loved watching the glint of life in her eyes spark when he brought up things she was interested in, and he loved listening to the tone of her voice change as she told him stories, either ones that had happened in real life or simply pieces that she'd written for class or of pure boredom. When they walked around together, he noticed how she would draw a little nearer to him when they encountered someone, how her hands would brush his slightly, which seemed to make her calm.

Just the thought of her brought a smile to his face. With every conversation, he learned something new, and he saved it. He saved it so that there was a possibility that he could be the one to make her eyes light up, that he could be the one to make her happy, that he could be the one to make her smile the smile that he loved the most, that he could be a reason, even just for a moment, for her to be happy.

He just wanted to make sure she was happy. That's all he could want.

He walked down the street, wrapping his black jacket a little tighter around him. The air was cool, crisp, and refreshing. It was great for thought.

He wondered what they would talk about. He thought about the things Paige had shared with him. What would he learn tonight? Would he be lucky enough to watch her as she talked about a book she loved or a song she adored or a film she'd recently watched? Could he see the faraway look in her eyes as she spoke about the small things that made her the happiest? Would he hear another story tonight, sit in awe as tales spilled from her mouth? Would she down cup after cup after cup of coffee, as she had a time or two, and become giggly and carefree as the caffeine ran throughout her system? Would he earn a little more of her trust? Could he see her beautiful smile?

No matter what, he knew that his heart would beat out of his chest, butterflies would flutter around in his stomach, and his grin wouldn't falter for a moment after he saw her.

He looked into the window, smiling as he caught sight of Paige. She was sitting in her usual spot, looking down at a book and bobbing her head slightly to whatever was playing in her earbuds. Her hair was falling into her face, and she brushed it back slowly before looking up. Her eyes met his, and at the sight of her smile, Josh's heart leapt.

He walked inside, removing his jacket when the warm air hit him. The bell on the door jangled cheerily, announcing his arrival. Mr. Paulson and Miss Ellison looked up as he walked by, smiling up at him from their tables. He waved back politely before heading over to the table. A steaming cup of coffee was already waiting for him when he sat down. Paige had three cups in front of her, two empty and the other only half-full.

"Good morning," she beamed. It was their joke. It was nighttime and early morning at the same time, and something just felt humorous about saying it.

"Good morning," he replied, gently rapping his knuckles against the wood as the butterflies entered his stomach. He took a sip of coffee, watching her. She looked up at the clock, her eyes following the second hand. She always did this, and Josh thought it was adorable. After a few seconds, her eyes snapped back to him. 3:24 a.m.

"To us," Paige said, raising her coffee cup. Josh held his up, clinking them together. Then they both took a sip. When they put the cups down, Paige began looking at Josh as if she wanted to say something. Finally, she came out with it. "Have I ever told you how grateful I am to have you as my best friend? I've never trusted anyone more than I trust you, and no one has ever listened or supported me like you have. And I just wanted to say thank you."

Josh's heart swelled at the words. He should be the one thanking her for everything. But he knew that he couldn't put it into words as well as her.

He loved their time.

Just as much as he loved her.

He reached across the table, resting his hands on hers. "Thank you for being mine."

~ ~ ~

Paige covered her mouth as she tried to stop herself from laughing too loudly. Josh smiled widely, happy with his accomplishment. "That---That’s the story of how you met Tyler?" she managed to say.

"Yep."

"You---You met him in an abandoned parking lot because of---because of eBay, he convinced you to steal some random donut truck that was parked there, and then---and then there was a high-speed chase with the cops?" She was laughing so hard now that tears were rolling down her face.

"I swear one of them jumped out to retrieve the donuts that I was blasting at them," grinned Josh, enjoying the sound of her laughter.

"I think that, of the many stories you've told about the first meeting, that was the greatest," she said, finally catching her breath.

"And who says it's a story?" asked Josh as he held a hand to his heart and feigned offense.

"I don't think that there are donut launchers in a donut truck, let alone ones that are capable of denting the hood of a cop car."

"Yeah, you caught me," Josh laughed, looking up at the clock. It had been an hour, and he had been wanting to take Paige to one of his favorite spots, one he hadn't visited in so long. He was just waiting for the right time.

"What's wrong?" she asked, suddenly looking concerned.

"Nothing," he said quickly, shaking his head. "I was just looking at the time."

She looked up, and Josh took the advantage that he'd been given to appreciate her beauty from yet another natural side, when she wasn't looking. He could see the small spray of freckles that ran across the bridge of her nose and down to her cheeks, so light that they were barely there. He looked down at the birthmark on her arm, the medium-sized one that looked a little like a signature of some sort, trying to figure out exactly what it would spell out, taking the time because she was too distracted to cover it with her other arm.

Why didn't she realize how absolutely beautiful she was?

Paige looked back at him, and he shifted his gaze to her eyes quickly. They were still animated from the coffee and the story, and her smile was bright. "Would you like to go somewhere?"

"Yeah," Josh said enthusiastically. "And, um, if you don't mind, I know about a place that I think you'd like."

"Alright," she said, and they both stood up. Josh grabbed his coat and began heading for the door, allowing Paige to go first. His heart was beating erratically in his chest, and it felt harder to breathe. He really hoped that she liked it. It wasn't much to other people, but it meant a lot to him. It was made up of so many thoughts, so many memories, so many hours of his life. He just really hoped that she wouldn't think it was weird.

When he got outside, he took her hand. "I'm sorry, I didn't drive. But it's a short way from here. Do you mind walking?" Paige shook her head and smiled, looking down. He squeezed her hand tightly and was pleased when she didn't pull it away.

The field had changed since he last saw it. It had been cut down, which was good. Josh could also ignore the fact that Susan's house was right next to it, especially from where they were standing. That was always a nice thing to forget.

Josh looked down at it, mixed emotions running through him as memories flooded through his head. He remembered the first time he came here, not realizing that it was on someone's land. He remembered lying down on it, just staring up at the sky and contemplating everything. He could almost feel the warm summer breeze still blowing over his face, smell the fresh scent of the outdoors. He remembered the time that he first saw Susan, walking up to him with her dark hair blowing in her face, barefoot in a floral-patterned white dress. She'd brushed her hair out of her eyes and looked down at him, and he expected her to get angry. Instead, she just sat down next to him. They hadn't spoken a word that day, but then he came back. So did she. And then he remembered the last time he'd been here, the last time he saw her. He remembered hitting the ground, crying so hard he could barely breathe, knowing that he wasn't good enough. He remembered lying there, wondering why everything went wrong.

He remembered that it was the same night he met Paige.

Slowly, he sat on the ground. "I know that it's not much, but it's the field that means the world to me. Just like how a kitchen sink has a hidden meaning to Tyler, this field has a meaning to me. I'd like to explain it to you, but I can't put it into words. I'm sorry that it's lame."

"It's not lame," said Paige. Though her voice was kind, there was also a certain firmness to it. "Don't ever apologize for the things that you love, Josh. Even if other people can't see the importance that you can, don't ever apologize for something that makes you happy. And if it means a lot to you, it means a lot to me, too." She sat down right beside him, and there was a sudden change in her expression, as if the tone of her voice had even surprised her.

Slowly, both of them laid back, looking up at the sky. All was silent, and Josh closed his eyes. He wouldn't have this any other way. If only every day could be like this. If only he could relax, allow himself to just stay here and look up at the sky and talk about nothing with the girl he loved.

The silence was suddenly broken by the sound of humming, a sweet, quiet sound. Josh opened his eyes slightly. Paige had her eyes closed, too, and she was the source of the noise. He wasn't sure if it was a tune he'd ever heard before, but he could listen to it forever.

The humming stopped and Paige's eyes opened. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize that I was doing that. Am I bothering you?"

"No," Josh murmured, closing his eyes again. "I really like it."

The sound started back up, making Josh smile. He was almost asleep when he felt a tingling sensation on his nose. He scrunched it up and blew at whatever it was. Paige began giggling from somewhere beside him, saying something softly. It sounded like "You're so cute."

"What?" he asked, suddenly more alert.

"Nothing," she said quickly, and he heard a small breaking noise. He opened his eyes quickly enough to catch Paige's hand before she ran another blade of grass up the bridge of his nose. "Dang it, you foiled my plan," she said, giggling even more before she laid back down, right where Josh's outstretched arm was. Slowly, he wrapped it around her, and she scooted closer. "You're warm," she murmured, wrapping one of her arms around his stomach.

Josh thought his heart was going to burst out of his ribcage. He closed his eyes again, savoring the moment. Here, he could just lie down and forget the world for a moment. He could forget all of the bad things, forget all of the mishaps, forget absolutely everything that he wanted to forget. Here, it felt like life could begin again, if he really wanted it to. 

And he was so glad that it was Paige with him, helping him forget.

"Thank you so much for being my friend," he murmured, knowing that she couldn't hear him. He was sure that she'd fallen asleep about five minutes before. He felt it when her breathing patterns slowed and she relaxed even more than she had been before.

Slowly, he pressed a kiss against her forehead, allowing his lips to linger for a moment. Then he allowed the words to come out, the words he'd been wanting to speak for a long time but had gotten caught in his throat time and time again. He could say them now, so he did.

"I love you, Paige."

And, in the dim light of the sun's first rays, he thought for a moment that he saw her smile.

But then it was gone again, if it was even there in the first place.


	15. f a l l i n g

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Paige falls harder, too.

When Paige woke up, she was still securely wrapped up in Josh's arms. His eyes were closed, and there was a small smile on his lips. It made her smile, too. What was he dreaming about? What was going through his head? No matter what it was, she hoped that it stayed there. Josh deserved to be happy about something, even subconsciously. He deserved to smile.

Paige's mood had improved a lot, too. When she had come into the café, she had been sullen. She'd just gotten out of another argument with Dan, and he was refusing to help her out with what they'd been assigned to do. Though it was Dan, and she knew that he wouldn't stay upset for more than twenty-four hours, it still hurt her. But then she had started talking to Josh again, and maybe it had been a dream or sheer exhaust making her think he had spoken, but she was almost certain that she had heard him say that he loved her.  
Her heart fluttered at the very thought. Though she wasn't sure how it was possible that someone could ever come close to caring about her again, it might've been happening. And she was welcoming of it. She had felt the same way about him for quite some time.

All of a sudden, the alarm on her phone began blaring loudly, the sound of Tyler's voice making her more alert. She took a deep breath and held a hand over her heart, which was beating quickly for a different reason now. Then she quickly located her phone in her pocket and dismissed the alarm. She allowed her head to rest on the ground again, coming in contact with two open, dark brown eyes.

"Good morning, sunshine," Josh murmured sleepily, his smile growing wider. Paige smiled back. then she realized that her alarm had probably woken him.

"I'm sorry," she said. "Did my alarm wake you?"

"No, I was already awake. I was just pretending to not be so we could lie here a little bit longer."

The smile returned to Paige's face, and she moved a little bit closer to Josh, resting her head against his chest. The sound of his heartbeat was a soothing rhythm, and it was about to send her to sleep again. Suddenly, "All Signs Point To Lauderdale" began blaring, making Paige jump off of Josh and sit up straight.

She really needed to turn the stupid thing off.

When she picked it up, she saw that it wasn't an alarm, but a call from Tyler. "Hey, Tyler, what's up?" she asked.

"Do you know where Josh is, by any chance?" asked Tyler, and there was worry in his voice. "I've tried to call him so many times this morning, but I've never been able to reach him."  
"Yeah, he's right here." Paige handed the phone over and Josh took it, holding it up to his ear.

"I'm sorry, I must've forgotten it at home," he said after a moment. "I didn't mean to scare you." He paused for a moment, listening to what Tyler was saying on the other line. "I was a bit tired this morning and must've walked out without it." Another pause, a little shorter this time. "No, you didn't wake me up. I woke up a few minutes ago. We were just taking a short nap." Yet another pause, and Josh's face turned slightly red. "We were tired and fell asleep. And there was no kissing."

Paige turned away, laughing and trying not to listen to the conversation anymore. Josh got embarrassed about a conversation over kissing? He was adorable.

She wondered what would happen if they actually did kiss. Would it be amazing? Would he be a better kisser than Evan? Would Josh even receive the idea well? Would he get embarrassed, just like when he was talking about it?

Was she feeling enough like a daredevil to find out what it would be like?

Paige pushed the thought away as Josh hung up and gave the phone back to her. She accepted it and put it in her pocket before realizing something. It was Wednesday, and she had an earlier class today. Twelve-thirty, to be exact. She groaned inwardly, knowing that she would have to leave now if she was going to make it on time.

"Crap," she muttered before she looked up at him. "I'm sorry, Josh. I’ve gotta go. I have an earlier class today." His face fell slightly, and Paige's heart grew heavier at the sad puppy dog eyes that he gave her for a moment. Then the look was gone and he nodded.

"Would you like me to walk you back to your apartment?" he asked, and she nodded. Any time with him that she could get would be wonderful. Slowly, they began walking, and Josh's hand brushed hers slightly. He sucked in a breath and quickly moved it away, but she just smiled a little and laced her fingers with his. She averted her eyes to the ground, trying not to look at him. She didn't want to see him disgusted with it or anything. But she couldn't help but peek out of curiosity. He was smiling widely at the ground.

After a few more minutes of walking, they walked up to her apartment. "Thanks for walking me here," she smiled.

"No problem," Josh grinned, running a hand through his hair. "See you again tonight?"

"Yeah," confirmed Paige. "See you tonight."

"Great." And as Josh walked away, Paige could see that he was standing up a little straighter and there seemed to be more energy within him. Even though they went every single night, he always checked with her to make sure she was going. Paige thought that it was extremely cute, but it always made her feel a little bit sad for the amazing man.

She looked at the spot where he had stood for another moment before she went to her car and began driving.

~ ~ ~

"Please hear me out," was the first thing she heard when she got in the room. Paige sighed heavily and looked at Dan. Part of her really didn't want to hear what he had to say. He had been acting like a child, and he had been doing it so much over the last three months that she was sick of listening to the excuses and him saying that he wouldn't do it again before turning around a few days later and restarting the cycle.

They had a few minutes, so Paige pulled out her phone and earbuds before she made a show of turning her volume all the way up, just in case Dan was watching. Then she selected the YouTube app and typed in "danisnotonfire" before watching a random video. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Dan looking over her shoulder and watching silently. The childish part of her wanted to stick out her tongue and tell him that she preferred to listen to Dan Howell (and Josh, too), but she chose to hold her silent treatment.  
Three videos and a short, awkward silence later, the professor finally walked in to begin his lecture.

Paige removed a sheet of paper and began taking notes, not looking back up at Dan once.

She didn't know if she would for a while.

~ ~ ~

After the lecture was over, Paige walked out as quickly as she could. There was an hour before she went to her next one, and she needed to avoid Dan at all costs. But she wasn't fast enough. He caught up to her quickly and grabbed her arm, pulling her aside.

"Paige, I am really sorry," he said as she whirled around with a furious expression. Saying nothing, she pulled her arm out of his grasp and kept walking. "What else do you want me to say?" he called. "I've just been trying to protect you!"

"From _what_?" asked Paige, spinning around to face him. "What are you trying to protect me from?"

"Getting hurt again, Paige!" Dan threw his hands up in the air, a look of exasperation on his face. "Love is like wildfire. Everything just burns and turns to ash and dies in the end. I watched you burn after Evan died, Paige." Paige's anger was sparked. He couldn't talk about Evan. He couldn't. Not after what he'd done. Not after their relationship had just been repaired. Not when it was already almost torn apart again because of Dan's dislike for a man he'd barely spoken to. She started stalking towards him. "I watched you die with Evan, Paige, and I can't watch you die again when Josh leaves you alone."

The "when" in his voice made Paige stop in her tracks. Her heart swelled with remorse.

_When Josh leaves you._

When _he does._

 _Josh will leave you_ , her brain reminded her. _He will._

She shook her head, trying to clear the voice out. Then she looked up at Dan, stared right into his eyes with a spark of defiance and bitterness.

"At least if he leaves," she spat out, "he won't tell me that everyone else will, too. If he leaves, he'll leave like a real man because he actually respects others. If he leaves, he won't leave me alone screaming and crying and sitting among broken glass and trying to sort out my sick, twisted, screwed-up head." She took a step forward, taking a shaky breath. it felt good. And the look on Dan's face was even better. "And at least if my friend leaves me," she whispered, "at least he won't leave the way you did."

Dan sucked in a breath, running another hand through his hair. "I thought we were past that," he mumbled. "I wasn't myself that night. And I'm still really sorry, Paige. I---I didn't know you still felt that way. I thought we were still friends."

"We were," Paige mumbled back. "But then you began turning into that person again. Even though you haven't been meaning to. And right now, I just can't be around you. Not until you're the Dan that I've been friends with for such a long time." And with that, Paige walked away, feeling a huge weight lifting off of her chest.

Though it felt good, she knew it would return, even heavier next time. It would break her heart even more.

It always did.

Every single time.

~ ~ ~

This time, it was Josh waiting for her at the café instead of the other way around. Paige ran her fingers through her rain-soaked hair as she sat down. "Sorry I'm late," she said. "I had been thinking about things and I didn't notice the time."

"that's okay," said josh. "what were you thinking about?"

_Dan. Evan. You. What it would be like to not be such a weirdo. How I felt when Dan left me. What I would do if you chose to do the same thing. What it would feel like to kiss you._

“Just a lot of personal things," she said, beginning to twiddle her thumbs. "Nothing of importance, though."

Josh nodded, and they both looked out of the window. Rain was pouring down heavily, appearing in the streetlight for a fraction of a second before it became invisible again. Paige felt like a raindrop, invisible to everyone except for those who held light. That was josh, and josh alone. He had seen her the way no one else had.

"Thank you for being my light, Josh," she murmured, still not looking away from the window. "You see me. That's more than most others do."

Josh took her hands and gently traced circles on the backs of them with his thumbs, something he always did. "Others can see you. And I'm grateful that you allow me to see you. If I'm the light, you're a snowflake. Beautiful and crystalline, completely unique."

Paige smiled sadly. Snowflakes always die when they touch the ground, she thought. at least he's able to see me before I snap and fall, hitting the ground and drowning in myself.  
And as they watched the rain falling together, Paige's mood shifted, as well as her sight. She looked at the man in front of her, the one with the bright smile but sad eyes. She thought about his great talent and how he was afraid that the rest of the world could see it, mainly because in his own eyes, he was a little too different. But he wasn't.

Of all of the people she had met, Joshua Dun was the most human.

And he was absolutely amazing.

He looked back at her slowly, still smiling. she looked at him for another moment before she let her brain take control.

She moved closer and pressed her lips against his.

His mouth was warm and soft and felt like home. And when he responded by kissing her back timidly and then a little bit more confidently, she felt even better.

It was funny to think about how they'd gotten here.

She couldn't sleep, and he broke up with a girl at two in the morning.

They met at the corner of the street, in the Sad Café, the self-conscious girl who was losing sleep over a boy and the anxious drummer who was hurt beyond belief.

And as they began to talk, the sad café wasn't as sad anymore.

In that moment, as they both sat there, kissing and falling more and more with every single one, the Sad Café was the happiest place on Earth.


	16. m r .  b r i g h t s i d e

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the first date is definitely an _interesting_ ordeal.

Josh still couldn't believe his good luck.

It had been a week since he and Paige had kissed, and it had been six days since he'd asked her to be his girlfriend. Personally, he wished he could've set something up, or at least gotten her something nicer than pink tulips from Wal-Mart (which had slightly wilted by the time he delivered them to her), a box of chocolates, and however much coffee she'd wanted to order at the Sad Café, but Paige had seemed ecstatic. She had hugged him so hard that he couldn't breathe and then kissed him a few times, which took his breath away and made a lingering blush cover his cheeks.

Tonight was their first date. Paige had been the one to suggest it, since he had absolutely no idea what to do. They were going out for dinner, a movie, and then they were planning to spend the rest of the night at the café. It sounded like the greatest date he'd ever been on before.

"Alright, now put this on over that," said Tyler from behind Josh, holding up a black sweater. He had volunteered to be Josh's wingman, so they had spent the afternoon together in preparation. Josh now stood in front of his full-length mirror, his best friend looking over his shoulder.

Josh took the sweater and slipped it on over his gray t-shirt. "Do you think this looks too casual? Too dressy?" He bit his lip, remembering that Paige told him to just be casual and not get all dressed up just for her. Now the nerves were taking over him, and he wasn't sure what to do.

"You sound like a teenage girl," Tyler laughed. "And you look fine. Don't worry, Paige is gonna love it no matter what."

Josh turned to his friend. "Really? You think so?"

Tyler smiled and laughed a little. "You obviously haven't seen the way she looks at you." Josh looked down at the floor, thinking over this sentence for a moment, and then Tyler patted him on the back. "I think you're ready. Don't worry, you'll do great."

"Thanks," smiled Josh right as the doorbell rang. "And thank you for helping me out, Tyler." Tyler just smiled a little wider, and then Josh went to open the door.

Paige stood on the other side, grinning at him. She was clad in a red My Chemical Romance t-shirt, dark skinny jeans, and brown boots. She had also put on a little bit more makeup than usual, maybe a little more mascara and eyeliner. And Josh thought that she looked absolutely stunning. As always.

"Hey," he greeted her, pulling her in for a quick, one-armed hug. "You ready to go?"

"Yeah," she grinned, turning her head and looking up at him. Then she turned a little bit more and waved, seemingly in response to someone. "Hey, Tyler." Josh turned too, spotting his best friend in the doorway.

"You lovebirds have fun tonight," called Tyler. Josh and Paige both grinned a little, and then they began heading to Paige's car.

Josh slipped his hand in Paige's, and she accepted it, squeezing it tightly. He smiled a little, and he knew that he needed to keep holding on, for strong but fragile souls like Paige's could slip through the cracks in between fingers and fall away, some disappearing while others hit the ground.

So he held on, silently fearing the moment when he would finally have to let go.

~ ~ ~

The restaurant was a small, simple one, though something about it seemed almost elegant to Josh. It was built of sturdy wood and had an outdoors feeling about it, almost like a cabin. Old country music drifted softly out of the speakers. Muted televisions were showing a baseball game, the subtitles blaring the words louder than the sportscasters probably were. The lighting was a bit on the dim side, the brightest coming from light bulbs hanging over the booths. The place was empty save for an elderly couple in the corner booth, their forks clinking slightly against the plates as they finished their meal.

"Where would you like to sit?" asked Paige while Josh looked around for a waiter. Then she looked down at a spot on the floor and mumbled, "They must've taken down the self-seating sign."

"Anywhere is fine," smiled Josh.

"Alright. Table or booth?" She looked up at him with a small smile, as if she were testing something.

"Booth."

"Good," she laughed. "I've always been afraid to trust people who choose tables over booths." Josh laughed a little with understanding. Then Paige interlaced her fingers with his. They went and chose a booth together.

Right after they sat down, a tall, lanky girl with dark brown hair and dark eyes walked over to them. For some reason, she reminded Josh of Paige. He didn't know if it was the way she walked or the certain intelligent look in her eyes or the way that she gave both of them a small smile as she approached them.

"Did Ethan talk you into coming back?" asked Paige, addressing the other girl with a knowing smile. It took Josh completely by surprise. It was like all of the shyness she had possessed just completely melted away.

"Yeah." The girl rolled her eyes. "Partially. But then I realized that I couldn't stay away from this place no matter how hard I tried. So I have you to thank for discovering it." Then she looked at him, her smile growing wider. "And who's this?"

"Bailey, this is my boyfriend Josh," said Paige with an introductory motion, and happiness filled him at the word boyfriend. "Josh, this is my cousin Bailey." They both exchanged polite waves. As Bailey handed them both menus, she made conversation with Paige, and Josh was thankful that neither girl seemed to notice when Tyler walked in the door and sat down in the booth behind them, waving at Josh. He couldn't help but laugh a little to himself at the sight of his best friend.

Suddenly, his phone buzzed and he looked down. Tyler had texted him. _I see you!_

 _What are you doing?_ Josh sent back.

 _I figured that, as your wingman, it would be my duty to become your chaperone as well._ Josh shook his head and smiled before putting down his phone. One final text came through. _I'll leave you alone now. Have a good time._

He put down the phone right in time for Bailey to ask him for his drink order. He decided to simply go with a water. She nodded before leaving them, and Josh sat back in his seat.  
This was going to be an amazing day. He just knew it.

~ ~ ~

"No way," said Josh, laughing as Paige rested her head in her hands, seemingly embarrassed by what she just told him. "And your dad didn't think to tell you that there's a way to check a gun to see if it's loaded before you fire?"

"Nope. He said point and aim, so I did. My only thought was, 'I really hope this doesn't work,' so I screamed when a bullet flew out and knocked a bird out of the tree. then my immediate reaction was to throw the gun down and yell, 'Oh crap, it worked!'" She shook her head, her face still in her hands. "I told you I was stupid as a child."

"That's amazing. Are there any other embarrassing stories I should know about?"

"Well, there is one," she said slowly, finally putting her hands down and biting her lip. “You're gonna hate me for it."

"I won't hate you, I promise." His hands drifted over the table, finding hers and covering them. "You can tell me."

"Alright. I---" She paused, then looked directly into his eyes. "I disliked 'Welcome To The Black Parade' the first couple times I heard it."

" _What_?" exclaimed Josh playfully, looking at her and feigning disbelief. "What kind of monster are you?"

"I know, I know, what kind of fan am I? Though I swear it's all better now. I listened more and it grew on me. Now I love it."

"Alright," he laughed. "We're good."

"Good," she grinned. Everything was silent for a moment as they took a bite of food, Tyler shifting around in the booth behind them. If Paige noticed, she didn't say anything.

Finally, Josh broke the silence. "So, how did you find this place?"

The question seemed to catch her by surprise. She blinked at set her fork down, looking at him. "Sorry, I'm just not used to anyone asking me about that. How I find the places I do. Um, I guess it's because I live in the shadows. Everyone else always seems to be happy with where they are in life, always walking around in the sun, constantly going from building to building and making relationships, breaking them, and making them again with other people. I've---I've never really been comfortable in my own skin. I don't want them to see me because I'm not like them. I don't like talking about things I find uninteresting, like the products people use for their hair or their perfume or who their ex is dating or their most recent social media post. I don't spend most of my day reading statuses on screens or shopping or working or hanging out with friends. Instead, I shrink into the shadows and try to hide. And sometimes, shadows hide the most lovely things, the most lovely people, the ones that can understand the best." She waved her arm around a little to emphasize her words. "This was one of the best shadowed places I've ever come across. The others were the Sad Café and the bridge. I'm so grateful that I have, because they've all changed my life. Even though some of them, like the last event on the bridge, weren't good. But it's okay." She smiled. "If I'd never run into any of the shadows, then I never would've met the kindest, most loving and caring person I've ever known. I never would've met you."

Josh felt a blush rising in his cheeks as he looked at Paige. How did he become lucky enough to ever meet her? He wanted to say something back, but his throat was failing him as her words sank deeper and deeper.

"Th-Thank you," he finally managed, though he wanted to say a lot more than that. "Really. Thank you." Paige smiled, and he was happy to be with her in this very moment, even though he just made things extremely awkward.

Thankfully, Bailey walked over with the check, breaking up the tension a little and making Josh feel less nervous. The second he saw Paige pulling two twenty dollar bills out of her pocket, he immediately reached into his own wallet and started counting money, pulling out two twenties and a five. When Bailey took it and began counting change, he smiled and said, "You can keep it." She gave him a grateful smile before he walked out with Paige.

"Thank you for that," she said. "I could've gotten it, but thank you."

"It was my pleasure," he murmured, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her closer. Then he gave her a lingering kiss on the temple, threading the fingers of his free hand through hers.

Life was so much better with her around.

~ ~ ~

Josh had no idea what was even playing at the theater, and apparently, neither did Paige. He came up with the idea of going to see whatever was showing next, and she agreed happily. They got in line for tickets and popcorn, Josh still holding Paige's hand.

He looked around the nearly empty room. There were two people in the other line, two teenage girls looking up at all of the posters on the inside and whispering excitedly about something. In front of them, a middle-aged man was taking his time deciding what size of popcorn and drink he wanted. In the very corner, next to the claw machines, Josh saw a very familiar blonde woman leaning against the wall, talking to a dark-haired man that was trying to win something out of the machine. He realized who the man was, too.  
He couldn't forget Susan, and he definitely couldn't forget the man she had been cheating on him with.

Suddenly, his train of thought was broken by Paige shaking his shoulder slightly before walking up to the cash register. He collected himself and walked up, readying himself to speak. "Two for the closest showing of anything, a large popcorn with butter, a large Dr. Pepper, a large Coke, and a box of cookie dough bites, please." The cashier looked a little confused about what tickets to give them, but he rang them up anyway.

"That'll be forty dollars and fifty cents," he said, and Josh handed over the money. The man gave him the tickets instantly, then began piling the treats onto the counter one by one. As they grabbed them and began walking away, Paige looked at Josh with a bit of a surprised expression.

"What's wrong?" he asked with concern. Had he gotten something wrong? He could've sworn that she told him Dr. Pepper and cookie dough bites were her favorites.

"Nothing." She shook her head. "It's just---you remembered. You remembered and I told you that a few days after we first met." By the surprise and awe in her voice, he could tell that she was used to people not remembering her favorite things, getting them wrong. The thought made him upset.

Paige was a girl who deserved to have her name etched into people's minds, written in the stars, carved into trees, put anywhere that she could be remembered. Her kindness and selflessness was astounding, and she deserved so much more.

They headed into the dark, nearly empty theater and chose two seats close to the back. Right as they sat down, another couple walked in and sat four rows in front of them. Josh squinted into the darkness, trying to see who it was. Then the woman turned, and he caught sight of her face.

Susan.

His hand immediately found Paige's as a voice in his head began to activate. _If you weren't good enough for someone like Susan, then why the heck do you think you're good enough for someone like Paige?_ He shook his head, but it didn't stop. _You said it yourself, she deserves so much more._ He closed his eyes and hid his face in his free hand, trying to slow his breathing.

Suddenly, Paige's arm was around him, hugging him as close to her as she could, asking him what was wrong. He shook his head, nervous to admit it to her. What if she realized that his head was right? What if she up and left him right there? He didn't think his heart would be able to take that.

"I don't know what's wrong, but it's all gonna be okay," she murmured, finding a spot where his hand wasn't covering his face. Then she kissed his forehead before hugging him even tighter. "I really care about you, you know. And I'm gonna do everything in my power to keep you happy." He looked up at her in awe. It was like she could read his mind. Gratefully, he laid his head on her shoulder for a moment, taking in a few deep breaths, smiling a little as she began playing with his hair.

Then he opened his eyes and saw Susan staring directly at them, her smirk falling a little when she saw Paige holding him so close to her, holding his hand and playing with his hair and occasionally dropping a kiss on his head.

"What's her problem?" Paige finally muttered, and he looked up to see that she was looking directly at Susan, holding her steady gaze with a look of mistrust.

How was he going to explain this to her?

"That---That's my ex," he said shakily. "The one---the reason why I went to the Sad Café for the first time." He paused. "And the guy next to her is the supporting detail." Paige's gaze grew colder for a moment, still not looking away from Susan, but then she finally dropped it.

"It's her loss," she finally said quietly, looking back down at him. "I'm happy that you chose me to gain you."

He smiled, his heart warming and relaxing a little, but then his smile fell as he saw Susan and the guy standing up and walking towards them, finally sitting in the seats right before turning to face them. "Hello, Josh," said Susan, her voice as smooth as ever, surprising him. The last time he heard it, it wasn't like that at all. His would still be the same, cracked and shaking, choking on the words he'd wanted to say.

But then he remembered that he had to move on, find someone better for him. She didn't ever have to deal with the pain of that. She'd already had his replacement standing right in front of her, just waiting for him to finally leave.

The man finally turned around, and Josh recognized his dark, wavy hair and dark eyes. Not just from the time that Susan had finally left his house from a long talk just to go out on the street and meet the mystery man, not from the time that Josh had watched them walk to the apartment across the street where they forgot to close the curtains before kissing, not just the time when Josh watched her hugging that man and realizing that she had found happiness, just not in him. No, he had seen him somewhere else a couple of times. Months ago. He just couldn't put his finger on it.

Then he heard Paige's voice, along with a coldness that he'd never expect to come from her. "I thought I told you to screw off, Dan."

Dan. He had served them coffee at the Sad Café the first few times Josh had went. He had been Paige's friend.

"Paige, I am truly sorry," Dan started, but Paige shook her head, laughing a little with no humor.

"No, you're not. You only hate the fact that you got caught. Not just by Josh, but by me. I know what you've done, Daniel. To him, as well as to me. I know where you were going, especially the night that you left me alone. I know why you kept getting drunk to go over to her house. You wanted to forget." Her voice broke. "I know that you used to love me, and you apparently still do. But you've gone too far, throwing the bottle at my head and screaming. You went too far stealing a great man's happiness away, not once, but twice. You're sick, you know, trying to steal away everything Josh has. You took Susan, but you can't take me away from him, too. Is that why you told me to stay away from him?" Her voice seemed to rise a little with every sentence, releasing every pent-up emotion, and it killed Josh to know that this man had not only caused pain to him, but to her as well. Her expression tore him apart as she watched Dan nod. "Well, I hope you're happy, Dan."

Josh stood up, and Paige did as well. He could see her shoulders shaking, a single tear running down her cheek. "I hope you're both happy," she finally said, looking at Susan and Dan. She laughed ironically at something, then began walking out, Josh on her heels.

They walked into the darkness silently, and Josh could feel the shadows tilting their heads at them as the street lamps buzzed over their heads lazily, barely casting light. The air was cold but refreshing, and the sound of their footsteps was calming as they walked along the parking lot. He wrapped his arm around Paige, and she finally rested against him, still trying to calm down. Finally, they found the car and got inside.

Paige broke the silence. "Most people only show you what they want you to see, don't they?" Her voice was quiet. "They only show you one side of them, make you think that they're something that they're not. You don't see the things that they hide inside, whether it's grief, sadness, a bitter cold, anger, hatred, anything. And that's what scares me the most." She looked right at him. "Thank you for being one of the few that doesn't do that. Thank you for trusting me that much. And thank you for helping me become one of the few as well." She sighed. "I'm really sorry for freaking out on them, and for ruining the date, and---"

"Hey, you didn't ruin anything," said Josh, placing his hand on hers. "They were the ones that came up to us." She nodded and looked down, almost like she was trying to convince herself of the same thing.

The entire ride back was filled with the sound of Sum 41 in the background and Paige occasionally singing along quietly, her voice making Josh's heart beat a little faster each time.

~ ~ ~

"Have you ever seen _The Room_?" asked Josh, looking over at Paige. They were now sitting on the couch in his living room. They'd both decided that, since their movie date was kind of ruined, they were going to watch a different one before going to the café.

"The one that's so awful that it's funny?" grinned Paige. Josh nodded, and she chuckled a little. "Yeah. do you have it?" He nodded again.

"Wanna watch that?"

"Heck yeah."

Josh laughed a little and got up, finding the DVD. Along the way, he grabbed his notebook so he could show Paige all of the things he'd written down, everything that he and Tyler had laughed at so many times.

"Let the awfulness begin," he said with a grand wave, and Paige giggled a little before curling up next to him, resting her head on his shoulder.

The next hour went by in a blur, him smiling down at her while she watched and giggled, then read the book and started laughing so hard that tears rolled down her cheeks, and finally how she settled down and fell asleep with her head on his shoulder, smiling a little as she dreamed.

How could a single human being be so beautiful?

Josh remembered how he had thought that Paige needed to be known somehow, that she needed to know how he felt about her. Though he felt his writing was mediocre at best, he knew that he had to write something for her, put it out there so she could keep it forever and always be reminded of what she meant to him.

She'd probably kill him for it, too, but he could take that.

Slowly, Josh grinned, ideas already forming in his mind. Then he slowly slid the notebook from Paige's lap, opened it to a fresh page, took out the pen he always kept in it for writing, and put the pen to the paper, scribbling away and hoping that he could get it done before she awoke.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you have a wonderful day!


End file.
